It’s 6:00 a.m. and I’m attempting to meditate. So far, it’s not working. Oh, I’m “thinking” alright, but it’s not very calming. I “think” all the time so setting aside time to think about thinking is causing me to overthink even more. My purpose for meditating is to help me find a relaxing state of mind to encourage my transition back into the face to face working world. Instead, I just keep thinking about a spiraling wheel of pandemic gloom. Going back to a classroom is causing concern and trepidation at the very least.
I try some music. Maybe that will encourage a zen-like atmosphere. I go to my usual Jack Johnson radio on Pandora. Too many love songs. For me, that’s not really a meditative topic. Next, I blare out are some stadium jams. That just makes me want to go to a UGA football game. Finally, I settle on some spa music. These tunes, if you can call them that, are soothing with their sounds of rain and tinkling chimes, but mostly they just make me have to pee.
I go to the bathroom and head back to my meditation spot. On the way I walk by the dryer and pull out some clothes. Since I’m up early, I have time to fold a load. I can sit and think while I match my socks and fold my shirts. My thoughts are rambling as I sort and try to figure out just exactly how old this shirt is and where I got these pants because I would like another pair. And my bras! I got in on a sale and it’s like I’m living in Bra Town. Whoa! Stop and focus!
I wander down the stairs. Should I eat a Poptart? Cook an egg? Or, go try to think some more since I do have a little time left. But wait, there are dishes in the sink from last night and the floor could use a quick vacuum. Resist! Resist! I go outside instead.
The birds are beginning their morning song, the cicadas are buzzing, and the deer are dashing away from my presence. Looks like an atmosphere of possibility. I walk a bit and attempt to think about thinking. My homeowner thoughts intrude while I look at my lawn that needs edging and a peony bed that needs weeding, but I push out the thoughts. Or attempt to anyway. Birds, mowing, deer, weeding…the thoughts keep intermingling. I feel like a superhero trying to channel my powers.
I sit on the front porch and my dog and cat join me. I stroke their fur and talk to them. We talk about how I’ll be heading out to work but will hurry back as soon as possible. We talk about how pretty the sunrise is as the yellow glow lightens the day. We talk about what changes I’d make in the world if I did have superpowers, and I then… you guessed it. I was meditating. At least I think I was. It was probably as close as I’ll get.
Will I try to “think” again tomorrow? Perhaps, but I’ll probably just go straight to the porch and corral the animals. I’ll bring some biscuits – for both human and animals and enjoy a leisurely breakfast with my four legged therapists. I can finish off with some stadium jams and then head out into the big wide world.